Sunday, August 20, 2017

What the wave will bring tomorrow

One of my all time favourite movie - Cast Away - has a closing line. Tom Hanks remembers how a wave, after 4 years of his solitary confinement on the island, brings a steel part which he uses for making a boat to escape and eventually be rescued to humanity. In these 4 years, his wife has remarried and has a family. He doesn't know where to go what to do with his rescued self. And so he says, from the hope that was rendered to him by the wasted part of that steel, "Who knows, what the wave will bring tomorrow!" I think all of us go through a life where we have been rescued by something and from something. We didn't get the life boat but a steel part to build one. And so we were saved.

I have been living in Hyderabad for last 4 years. I have gone through the most terrible phase of my life with this as my habitat, losing both my parents while I was here. But in form of family, love and friendships, part-by-part, my life kept on resurrecting unnoticeably. The place tested me on my vices and my virtues. I came across my failures as a human. Rarely, I won few of them in some re-battles. But mostly I failed.

I persisted till my parents' last breath. I knew the day when I was sure that my mother will leave the world soon. She smiled for the last time that day and was gone 6 days later. I lived in the empty house for next few months, applying myself to work as much as I could. When I stood up for something I believed in, I realised one of the leaders and I don't align. I bowed out of the organisation with grace.

I found a roommate in a friend. Life became easier. I found that all major universities I applied to accepted me. Stanford especially. Life brought lot of joy. I emerged from my brooding self to be someone who could start a day with a smile, and could bring happiness for others.  I also came across situations when I got entangled, with my own self.  For few, I found the way out - through acceptance, surrender and forgiveness. The act of growing up or may be still not!

Doing Yoga in Sivananda ashram brought me some perspective. I looked beyond the cages of my mind and at the world in more abstract way. I reinforced the teachings of Vipassana, of that of impermanence and kept living every day. And that has brought me to today.

Two days from now, I will be leaving the land of my birth, the land to which my parents merged, this chaotic, corrupted, fanatic noisy country for at least one year. I will be leaving the place which showed me the path to conquer myself and the people who led me to do so. The place where my inward journey started and has the key to its finality. The place where the love of my life lives and where some friendships cemented.

I feel I will return. But an explorer without a map may not find her way back. So, I don't promise myself anything. I love learning. I am a life-long learner. That is the most important thing for me. The wave will bring something tomorrow again. I will make another life-boat and sail.