Sunday, April 16, 2017

Life as we know it,,

I slept at around 10 AM in the morning. Last night, we had a blast! My office gang just threw another party for me. They brought their own drinks, ordered food, danced to their heart's delight and chatted up until the dawn. After clearing up, I took a bath, regretted why we party so much and how it does not answer any quintessential question of life, but still sometimes makes you feel loved and connected.

A notable night I guess. I have been off work from 31st March. Two weeks over. I have an unending list of tasks to be completed before I go to US. Full-time task-list is an understatement. One one hand, it will make me busy but on the other it is a missed opportunity on what I would loved to do in a break. Not sure if I will get a work break like this again.

Reading a book these days - The Red Sun. A book on Naxal-badi. Very well-written. After so many years, I was remembered of the moment when I watched Hazaron Khawishein Aisi for the first time. And then my second deep encounter was award-winning book "The Lives of Others" by Neel Mukherjee. It has always been a debate in my head on the right way to save the lives of countless marginalised amidst the government corruption. It just sometimes feel how important it is to be in the middle of the tough problems that we need to solve in this country.

Earlier in my research of graduate school, I came across a professor at Columbia, who works for setting up education system in conflicted areas like Syria. In a resettled life, how do you provide right to education for those who have been displaced? Education looks like a privilege in absence of basic needs but one of the most important way to uplift people to heal.

I have been recently offered admissions at Stanford Graduate School of Education. I am heading there this fall. It make me feel empowered to have access to platform like Stanford. I wonder that some day I work for conflicted regions in India. To create a systemic change of education - contextual, preserving and empowering - to the tribes of India. It gives me a dream to live life differently, a path that I walked on for a while, lost, and then have found again. Will write soon again!

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

The freedom of a day

Recently, I saw this documentary on Netflix on minimalism. I already knew most of the concept so there was nothing new. But, there was this one line that stuck in my head. Freedom of a day. When you are minimalist, you have limited needs and therefore little need for big pay check. And you can live your day howsoever you want to.

I am usually all day home these days. Delving into the books I am yet to finish and in the tasks that needed attention for a long time. These tasks were hovering in my head for a long long time. It is good to be able to do them. Sometimes, it just feels that I have more time in existence this way. To have headspace for things that are important. To fix your own meal, to talk to friends without looking at clock, to not be in hurry of rushing somewhere. But sometimes, this part of me who used to work incredibly hard, takes over. I am gonna fall behind. I will forget the work I did. I will be rusted. This break will make me slow down.

But mostly, there is silence. When other people have tonnes of task to do. I am having a quiet time. Kind of recuperating from my battles of life which I never allowed myself to attend to. I can grieve for my mum, can think about her as long as I want, without someone or something stopping me to do so.

The freedom of the day also helps me to get clear in my head, of what I want, of my choices, of my emotions. It also has given me lately a space to understand people close to me. By being free, I am less reactive, and more intuitive, or I would like to hope so.

This is not the essay on the freedom of the day as it turning out to be. Long back, when I read Nelson Mandela's Long Walk to Freedom, I remembered a day in his life in prison, when he was able to walk in the grass as a free man, although still under house arrest. Freedom to be ourselves is definitely the most yearned thing and I am enjoying it!

Not for long I think. Very very soon, I would have to rush to wrap up everything for US. In a minimalist style, to keep only the things that matter the most. And to satisfactorily close on things that don't. Till then stealing some time!


Sunday, April 2, 2017

In Love With The Endlessness of Time

It is over. A long journey. The days of struggling with oneself. The days of keeping up with everything. I finished working pretty early. I have four months before I go to Harvard. And these will be my days, may be the most important days that I want to live. These days won't be about chasing anything or pursuing anything. They will be about being. Being self. Discovering self through different mundane things, in silence and inside it.

To not move for something you got to do to keep up with everything is a luxury I never had. But this is how exactly I imagined it - the endlessness of time, the continuity of being with self without an end to it. For a long time, I have lost my element in order to do things that I must.

Love. Laughter. Silence between them.