A friend of mine is in love with someone who is married, Another friend of mine is married to someone who is abusive. Another friend is falling out of one person and falling for another person, and feels guilty about the first person, so not able to stand up for his heart. And on the opposite spectrum, I have a friend who has found love in serving others. Another friend who is traveling around the country and has achieved freedom from all kinds of romantic love. Another friend, who has such a terrible childhood that she is grateful to have a husband who is so supportive and loving. I have seen all friends happy and crying. I have seen marriages failing and successful. I know that each one of them found their battle difficult and it was never a fairy tale.
I have come to believe that love is about paying attention, to really see someone. But most of the time, we don't even see ourselves. Do you ever have a feeling that you need something else or need to go somewhere, but when you have finally get that thing you wanted, you really aren't as happy as you thought you would be? We are just not happy where we are. We want to keep going to the other side. We don't find the current state of things satisfactory.
One of the famous travel writer Pico Iyer, in his Ted Talks, talked about that we yearn for energy from people who are still, have been able to find their balance and are able to slow down. I think being truly in love is something like that. To pay attention like that. To yourself and to the other person.
I look at this idea of loving someone and being with someone and I think what can you do different to be in love. This reminds me of one of the most famous songs of Joni Mitchell. My favorite line is "It's love illusions I recall. I really don't know love at all"
Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels,The dizzy dancing way that you feelAs every fairy tale comes real,I've looked at love that way.But now it's just another show,You leave 'em laughing when you goAnd if you care, don't let them know,Don't give yourself away.I've looked at love from both sides nowFrom give and take and still somehowIt's love's illusions I recallI really don't know love at all