Thursday, May 7, 2015

12'o clock Insomnic

It is past 12'o clock in the night. I just had a call with a friend, a frank call after a long time. I quietly read my book, kept it upside down and then have come here to write. Writing feels natural. It feels it is a sign that I'm healthy, that I'm alive, It also oozes out some pain,

The other thing which brought me back was the comment on my last post. I couldn't believe someone who knows me only through this blog, would be calling out for me in his head and I will decide to write the blog. The night is very peaceful today. Calming my stirring from few minutes back.

I am not sure what to write about today. I haven't done lot of things in life that I can talk about. I can talk about the books I like to read. I used to read lot of biographies earlier and then with time it got discontinued. And few days back, I look at my Amazon cart, and it has diligently stored few books for me, that I haven't deleted nor ordered. Surprisingly, all of them were biographies.

Oh! I have a story to tell you. Today morning CEO of my new company and I were discussing about a business proposal we had sent and those people wanted heavy discount. Frankly, that was unreasonable. Now, he put all of this very nicely. He said, like M.K.Gandhi, I would tell them "Squeeze and Squeeze out of me..and then what?" Will you be lowering down me or yourself. He sounded so self-assured. I loved that. I love that entrepreneurs are so fearless people. He always advise me to be fearless. I think he knows that I can't be. So, he has to keep reminding me. His way of coaching me, may be.

I will sleep peacefully tonight. I promise. You sleep well too..Love..Be Happy.. 

Sunday, May 3, 2015

The last spring of 20s

Wo! I am writing on my blog after eternity. There are lots of things I want to talk about. I have been going for swimming for a week now. Today, I felt finally that my swimming was becoming effortless and mundane. I want to swim in lonely waters. It annoys me when I've people around me. It annoys me more when I've people that I know. I get distracted not only in swimming but in my thoughts. It is lovely to swim alone. After a week long of hard work under pressure and partying out every night, swimming on Sunday morning and listening to Jazz after that, makes it a perfect day.

I have been out of the blog for a variety of reasons. One, I have been switching jobs. And the old job took away a lot of happy energy out of me, so I didn't feel like writing. But the new job is exciting! I have become a Business Head, managing a company's entire business on Teachers Training. We already on our way to make it the best program that it could possibly be. I have an exciting team and supervisors, who I look forward to work every day. May be the charm of novelty but so far, people in my company have been far above my expectations. Few are the kinds, you want to sit down over the beer in the evening, every once in a while.

Two, I have been in a relationship for a while. And while it has all its ups and downs, but I think I have found the right person who gives confidence and strength. Although, I have started feeling lately that I'm more demanding than I should be and less independent than I was. I will just call it "relationship blues" and let it pass.

I am growing older for sure. When I was swimming this morning, I had felt I used to be very creative and authentic than I am today. There is hint of corruption  of soul that is developing some ingenuity. May be it is some time for spiritual uplifting. Lot of time, I feel like going to Auroville and spend some time there for a week, read Savitri and Integral Yoga, do some research on Sri Aurobindo's life and feel uplifted. Other times, I think to play lots of sports, watch some great movies, read 100s of books and listen to all the music while having some cold beer.

Life has changed. If I look at it, last year, the things that worried me were hopes for my family to recover from a difficult time. This year has been generous so far. Grateful to it all!

Love,
Mukaam