Vivekananda says thoughts have lot of power. A sanyasin sitting in the cave just meditating and thinking, can transmit thoughts loud and clear to the world outside, beyond the wall of caves. I am hyperventilating thoughts these days - my thoughts are fast and deep. I transmit very few things in my words, but I get reactions as if people are able to hear more than what I am saying.
We went to hospital yesterday. Papa had a small surgery for which the doctor incharge wasn't comfortable with. The risk was that of high bleeding. He repeatedly share his concerns and in fact postponed it by three days to wait for one medical parameter to lower down.But the cardiologist, who has been looking after the case for last two years, gave a go ahead. Our trusted cardiologist had to fly out to Australia for some medical conference, so we were left with an unsure surgeon. We waited for four crawling hours for surgery to happen. Meanwhile, I noticed other patients. Everybody is serious, not even a trace of smile on their lips. Hospital staff who has to serve all these patients, doesn't seem to be that sad. They have a genuine warmth. I think the profession teaches them the reality of life more closely and quickly, teaching them to embrace the fact that misery and death are part of life.
When papa finally went in, my sister and I went for a coffee and a snack to let the hour pass. She could read my face and I hers. After an hour, I got the phone call asking me to come in front of the operation theatre. He doesn't say recovery room or any other place. But he says "Come in front of OT". That isin't a good news, we both say to each other and rushed four floors of stairwell, to finally find papa safe and comfortable in the recovery room. I text friends and family. Finished up all the discharge formality in next four hours and finally said goodbye to my sister who flew to US last night.
Papa and I came back home. He hasn't eaten anything. I gave him all sorts of options - from bananas to roti on the dhaba, on our way back. But he asks for a Shikanji. His desires of eating unhealthy food has never been satiated, I thought. I know some of my own wrong desires that have never been satiated too. So, I don't give him any lecture on how Shinkaji is prohibited and stayed easy on him. I buy him that and see him enjoying it till the last sip. Little mercies he has, I thought.
"His will has tenacity to live" our cardiologist tells us always, "and that is why he is living otherwise his medical state would have given up by now." I think Papa has lot of make-believe in his head. He never tells himself the fact of his body. He continue to live, like business as usual, and so he is living. He doesn't register it and that is why I think he could enjoy Shikanji like a healthy and carefree man. He doesn't fail to mention that how an astrologer recently told him that he will live till 70. It is such a contrast to what he has gone through at the hospital. Was he not contemplating anything at all? He continues to talk about BJP and Congress with the driver for rest of the journey while I am still hyperventilating my thoughts.
I came home and slept for 12 continuous hours, after a long time. Relieved that he is still around.