Wednesday, April 30, 2014

This too shall pass

The day turned out to be hard again. My elder sister called to say that Papa has run out of options. And the only option he has needs lot of care with no certainty. So, both me and my younger sister are flying tomorrow.

I have a very bad feeling this time around. As if the final hour is here. I have locked myself in the room to stop myself from reacting. That is all I want to do. Keep myself locked. And I want to keep thinking without any purpose of conclusion. or keep thinking as if it will bring any calmness. Today, calmness is not coming for sure. Today is the day of pain, an excruciating amount of pain.

What is going through my mind? Can I just stop reacting and hold my family together atleast for once. I have always felt both my sisters are strong in lot of ways then me. Not to brag, but I have also felt my threshold of pain is higher than theirs. To put in better words, they are strong enough to put off the pain but I allow myself to feel it. It has built more appetite in me to take it. I feel I can be of some help in next few days because of this.

I need lot of internal adjustments in next few days. I will have to learn to adapt to new external environment without affecting the external environment. Not sure any amount of thinking can prepare someone for worse. Let me forge ahead without feeling anything. Life is momentary and that is all I wish to fathom. This too shall pass.

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