Friday, May 25, 2012

Commitment errors

On a crowded street of New Delhi, you see cows eating from dumps very close to people standing in queue to buy milk from mother dairy. The animal which is a second mother to millions of people is treated with indifference and "none of my business" attitude. When I see such problems of the street, I question how through   me, a permanent change in this sort of mindset can happen. 

By being an educator, I solve problem of literacy to an extent. But human life needs to be trained for "How to Live" and I myself have no idea of how to do that. This has been a serious struggle for me as an educator, a daughter, a neighbor, a sister and a human being. In last two weeks, I have done some running for my parents both of whom have been ill for a long time. As much as emotionally traumatizing it has been, it has been cruelly treated by our medical world. At this stage, I have no longer satisfaction of whether they have been given right medications and I am losing hope whether I can find that in our Nation's capital. I see myself as an ignorant fool for not being able to dig through this till now.
Running for my parents meant an absolute withdrawal from work. For three days, when I visited the school, I felt how important it was for me to teach these kids. Shashank Bhaiya, who have been teaching these kids for past one year, with his extraordinary effort led these kids to mainstream schools so that they could get a life like you and me. The mainstream schools are however cruel. They beat these kids, shows frustration when they ask again and tell them from NGO students come to eNGOy. Their companions are faster, smarter, neater and more equipped. They face reality of their backgrounds much more than when they were in shelter home or even on the streets.The schools are far off from the shelter home - three hours of travel everyday. The schools that were nearer would take these kids two grades below their current levels.

Knowing these realities, when I started teaching, I knew I am doing a very important job. These boys were morally torn apart. Their attendance to school was continuously declining and they were giving up. They were so tensed about beating next day, that all I did was patch work to save them from beating. They would want to study only for tests they might have tomorrow. They belong to all grades, IV to XI and I am supposed to teach all of them subjects of their choice. It was absolutely chaotic. A day passed when I was teaching Maths of Grade IX, Biology of Grade VIII, Maths of Grade VI and Accounting for grade XI.
Not very hard to see that what a disaster I was!

Lots of my friends ask me aren't you afraid to teach these boys who might have been involved in all sorts of crimes? I would answer that here. Consider a case happened on the third day in the school - One of these boys waited for one hour without speaking a word for my attention. While another boy brought me dinner from their mess and I was in middle of having it when I noticed that this boy was still patiently waiting without food, to have most important thing that could bring him a good score in the test - a teacher's attention. Do you still think I should be afraid of their crimes, their past or their background?

Before I could settle down in the new house, in the new school and do a job which seems to me so important, I got a call from parents and I committed two weeks for their well-being instead. Everything is so important. Family of course comes first but I have been so much torn apart - for how much possibility through this human life, I want to achieve but unable to do it. How much is the work that my mind wants to do but my body cannot do it! An astrologer looking at my hand, said to me that you tend to commit more work than you can do. How true! I commit more work to myself and to people around, and bring disappointment. For all the things in the world, I really need "How to Live" wisdom because I am just not satisfied with what my human body does when my mind wants to do lot more.


  1. Don't worry you are doing everything right. Always, put-in your heart and mind for decision making! Which you are already doing dear. So keep going you will be ahead of all...May all the good will be with you

  2. Well expressed Saloni.. Keep working.. got in touch with ur bolg again.. will try to be regular now.. its a true treat to read ur posts..:)