Inclined towards understanding the real nature of human, I have been finding contradiction more than non-contradictions around me. The duality of human psyche and its ramifications on the world pushes me sometimes away from pursuing excellence. Occasionally, however, I have a tryst with wisdom more than ignorance, work-ethic rather than hypocrisy, excellence instead of randomness. That makes me stand up and give my cause, a fuel and my effect, some meaning.
The human brain is not gifted with perfect senses and it cannot see and comprehend completely the world around and within. That primarily is the cause of duality. Recently, I had an out-pour in front of my program manager, Emma, about my acceptance of duality of people. She answered wittingly that duality will exist. But what we can do is inspire our surroundings to minimize it and do not react differently to people who we conceive as having high proportion of it. It gave my disturbed mind some peace because I acknowledged it a part of within and of others. We also talked about that work that we do can have such a terrible impact if we do not address duality.
In past month, I read two autobographies - one of Dalai Lama and the other "The autobiography of Yogi". Both led me to read Bhagwad Gita. I remember picking up Bhagwad Gita four years ago and putting it down because of incomprehension. But today I am able to atleast read through it with an intention of picking up as soon as I find time again. To whatever extent I am able to comprehend, it gives me lot of peace. Bhagwad Gita talks about finding peace through service of others. What form of service we choose is onto us. When I tell people that I was happy with my technology job as well as happy being a teacher, they ask me what gave you more happiness? I really have no answer. At Teach for India, I definitely have more challenges and independence to deal with those but I loved what I did as an engineer and a lead. This arises a confusion in terms of choosing the appropriate service for lifetime.
In the book, "The autobiography of Yogi", The Guru of the Yogi, gives him an experience of the cosmos world, where he sees through the soil and the sky, by touching his heart. Just after experiencing something so huge, both the Guru and the disciple humbly sweep the floor. Is there a bigger definition of humility? The learning of spirituality is magnanimous through these two books and I sometimes wonder if I can just get it within me somehow. I wish to comprehend every teaching and use it in my life, find out a way life should be lived with these imperfect senses.
I heard the rising and falling symphonies of flute of Hariprasad Chaurasia, as I write, and the rise and the fall, gives notes to the duality within.