To prevent fan’s air from next room, I pushed the door to close it. It was 6:30AM. I lighted an agarbatti to pray after a long time. I closed my eyes. It was a hard day yesterday at school and I wanted, very selfishly, to be blessed with more patience today. When I opened my eyes, I saw smoke changing direction because of the air coming through the slit of the door. A strange thought crossed my mind - what if one day I can unleash that power within to change direction even when the door is closed.
School’s assembly started at 7:40 AM. I was standing behind my class to take mental attendance. Gurdeep hadn’t come today as well. That small child cries whenever he comes to school. His parents were mute and he also was not blessed with good speaking ability. He was having an impeded brain as well. Everyday he shows up with fresh injuries - someone keeps showing power on the weak. His peers in class laugh at him when he tries to speak-up. He never feels hungry during recess. He cannot repeat whatever I am saying - even in Hindi. To see a dream of building his comprehension skills may require a Hubble’s telescope. It is so hard to believe that I can change direction of his life. And if I can’t see myself seeing it, how will I make him believe?
Oh! Even Mahek is absent today. She gets bored in class because she is a little ahead of everyone. I closed my eyes again.
It is so hard to manage a bell curve. It reminded me of a heated argument with my boss few months ago in what seems like a past life when I didn’t like that he gave a reward to someone I thought didn’t deserve instead of someone who did. Now I can so easily see these are so difficult decisions. I tend to create exception for that weaker child but is it a right choice considering that I might be destroying his self-esteem? How much scaffolded questions I will be able to create for children like Mahek so that their learning path is not retraced?
I wish to have a redemption from this small myopic life. I want to see a dream for each kid, love them equally, respond to them with 100% enthusiasm 100% of time, plan in a way that it never require remediation with any kid, and become a world-class instructor with constrained resources. I need to be all of it. I need to be all of it real fast!