Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The end of the tunnel

I have been deliberately out of the blog-sphere for a while....Hiding.....because howsoever good I have been in my applications....how much honestly hard-working I have been...how much purely I was wishing to get accepted in a good business school....I have started feeling beyond a point nothing is in my control...I have controlled what I could control...and now the result is inevitable.

Waiting is dreadful.....because it gave you a sense of loss that is round the corner....I say loss because the way things have turned out in round 1, I have felt that is what I am going to end up with.

The calculus of my psyche is working in only one direction - What I am going to do if I get dinged from all business schools that I have applied to?  What will I do in round 2 ? Should I use same career goals? or my leadership stories? or description of my extra-curricular activities? Or in another next month I revamp my essays? Will I be able to introspect and find out what's wrong in my vision of my career or in my way of being a leader so that a good business school accepts me? Or does it mean I am still not ready for a good business school right now? Or I am not ready at all?....Waiting is a dragon and howsoever I try to console myself that this is not going to happen....that a good business school will accept me. I will get a beautiful 2KB email saying Congratulations...may be even a phone call that says we would love to have you here. May be within a month I may join facebook group of accepted candidates. But honestly, I know somewhere deep inside a dreamer's dream all this is...

I was invited for interview from 2 of 4 schools I applied to. And I screwed up one interview which I wanted to be so damn perfect. Those 30 minutes of that interview keep on haunting me since as many days and nights I have been past it, wishing that the interviewer saw my honest efforts and realize my potential behind the rambling I did. I may get acceptance from the second school but that is not really what I wanted to end up with, so decision of accept from that school may not compensate the loss I foresee from three other schools. The three losses will hurt me higher than one win can make me feel good.

I have heard when you really want something right from your heart, you will get it. I sincerely pray that I am not an exception to this rule. I have lot of optimistic things in my life and I hope they give me strength if a difficult time is written for me ahead although I know Krishna will bless!

10 comments:

  1. Very well articulated Mukaam. I feel that pain too...waiting can have that effect on you!

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  2. Dont't worry Mukaam ji. Nothing in the world is perfect. You can only make it better the next time. All the best!!

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  3. Nice blog! I like your writing way. I'm doing practice GMAT here: gmatonlinetest.com . I hope it's useful for GMAT test takers.

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  4. Morning Lady! After reading your blog, I thought about something Kaneisha Greyson, Admissions Consulting Coach, HBS MBA '10 said, "You Only Need to win 1 Time!" She was speaking in reference to one of the clients she worked with last year and he got rejected from all of the Bschools he applied to EXCEPT his 1st Choice, Kellogg!! The universe knows..."When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it"--Paulo Coehelo I actually envy you in the send that you have submitted your apllications, lol. I am awaiting my fate, lol. But, I pray you have peace for the rest of this process & know that you will end up exactly where you need to be;0)! As Always...Be Luv! Rashida

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  5. Hey Mukaam, I know what you mean. But an MBA school is a means to a journey (note I'm not saying an end). Its a stepping stone. Experiencing this pain of having to settle, even this is one step to living the life you want to lead. That's what it is.

    Enjoy it!

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  6. Thank you all..Really liked the way you have replied back to my post...

    I just hope I get to meet all of you...one day

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  7. I second Curious's thoughts..Its not the end of the world.

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  8. Thanks G6. I am not taking this as end of the world. I am thankful to the entire process because it has been a sort of eye opener for me.

    The only problem is when you are investing so much time into achieving something, it's difficult to accept that you are not getting it.

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  10. there are some things that you so desperately want, at certain points in life. You wish you will get it, we all wish you will get it, but if you don't, it's not the end of the world. What you can do is only you best, and let the results be damned!

    As to fluffing one particular interview, or saying the wrong thing at a pivotal moment - those are regrets best left behind. I can claim not to have committed any gaffes at all, or very few of them, if I never went outside my comfort zone.

    You need to divert your mind from the results (while awaiting them eagerly of course) - work, movies, books, sports, boyfriends, all come to mind - take your pick and get diverted!

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