Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Sonder and self-exertion

While driving to work today, I noticed a woman carrying her 3 years old girl while crossing the road. On the next red light, I noticed several pedestrians crossing the road again, some running, some walking while trying to cover their heads, some being stopped by traffic. What make people still struggle and live as vivid a life? Weren't they intelligent as kid? Didn't they have same potential? Will I ever be able to work towards ensuring that kids today do not end up struggling on the roads when they grow up?

A school girl sitting behind the motorcycle made me think what is the future for her? Next, I noticed a 20 something girl whose head was covered with dupatta, with only her eyes visible. Silent eyes gazing in Sifar of the mad rush of the city. In the spur of the moment, I saw so many lives on the road together, that it created an emptiness of the inconsequential impact of my life.

And then still I wonder how all this self-exertion helps me to reach and see the world. To be learning to be non-violent and to be finding that human connection. After all this work in my career, I still look at the world at constant amazement and how it makes me stronger and how it keeps challenging me,

Monday, April 21, 2014


The days are beginning to be plain again. For sometime now, I have not interacted much at my work. It is mainly because of the nature of the work right now. It requires me to stay focused until the project is delivered. I am the only one completely in-charge of the project right now.

I had a great weekend with my younger sister. We did some shopping for her and my 2-year old niece. Watched "2 States" as well. She was very happy. I get happy when she is happy. :-)

I have started practicing Vipassana again. It is helping me a lot to calm down and organize my thoughts. Hope to continue the practice like this.

I also had started reading Vivekanada more aggressively recently. My favorite lines from my reading this morning were "It is the only big tree that is hit by a great wind. Fire needs poking to burn brighter. Snake raises its hood after getting hit on the head. Only after a turmoil, you will be able to connect with your inner strength. Weep. Weep clears the mind and improves the intuition."

Saturday, April 19, 2014

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

 In last two years, my younger sister has been working for home at parents house for almost 1.2 years to be around them. Remaining time, my parents have either traveled to US to live with my elder sister or lived alone. I, on my part, has been mostly an external help - when they need someone to run around. While I was in Teach for India, Delhi, I used to drive 50 kms everyday on my Activa to meet my father at the hospital . That was the only real time that I was taking care of things at home with complete responsibility.

Lately, I have started feeling that I am running away from taking that responsibility in order to build my life.

There is this poem that I read recently which I am thinking about a lot:

The Guy in the Glass (reference : http://www.theguyintheglass.com/gig.htm )
 by Dale Wimbrow, (c) 1934

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,
 And the world makes you King for a day,
 Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
 And see what that guy has to say.
For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
 Who judgement upon you must pass.
 The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
 Is the guy staring back from the glass.
He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
 For he's with you clear up to the end,
 And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.
 You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,
 And think you're a wonderful guy,
 But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
 If you can't look him straight in the eye.

  You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
 And get pats on the back as you pass,
 But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
 If you've cheated the guy in the glass.